The Honourable Divot
Golf Society

        



Player Profiles



ADOLF.........Plays off 20...Likes..Swearing,Rod Stewart & a good piss up ...Dislikes..Any CDM that fucking pisses him off!!
Dodgy bastard. Tried his hand at selling dialysis machines to hospitals, but fucked that up! Now he has disappeared down to the deepest depths of Devon posing as a builder but you would probably get a better job done employing Bob the fucking builder! Keen to fritter Society funds on unsuspecting barmaids.


CADBURY.........Plays off 21...Likes.....Chelsea FC & the odd beer or 10... Dislikes..'Proper Golf'
Generally all round good guy. Very conscientious hard worker and builder of this web site.But then I wouldn't write anything nasty about myself Would I ?




HAKE.........Plays off 19...Likes.....Pinotage & playing with his mates in Littlehampton. ...Dislikes...Slow play & golf not played by the rules!
Always first to turn up, first on the Tee,keen and efficient in his role as the Society Treasurer,although the society has never had any funds in the pot. ( see 'Adolf' above)


DR HAIRY.........Plays off 23...Likes.....Anything as long as it is not done in a hurry. ...Dislikes..Leather Wallets & Hairdressers.
Dr Hairy is a unique individual member of the society, a fashion guru in his own right. Just make sure he has pre-rolled his stogies (see glossary) if you are playing behind him. Carries out his medical duties as Society DR with great enthusiasm. He is particularly keen to experiment with his first butt plug insertion!


HERO.........Plays off 20...Likes.....Leeds FC (Who!)... .



IRISH.........Plays off 21...Likes.....Chelsea FC & driving around in his empty truck trying to look busy...Dislikes...Rum, the second time around.
. Has had a downturn in form recently, due to his Hula-Hula stance re-appearing.


LAURA.........Plays off 20........Dislikes...Poorly placed flower tubbs outside pubs that get in the way when reversing
Member from a-far but makes the effort to attend all of the Divot Major's.


BIG LEW.........Plays off 19...Likes....Loud hats & even louder trousers ....Dislikes...JCB's & a football in the face.
Big Lew is the Big Boy of the the society (according to Sevi) and is the current club secretary. Has to bend over far too much to hit the ball and is in danger of being Dr Hairy's Guniea Pig for a butt plug insertion.


SEVI.........Plays off 8...Likes.....A Stella Challenge...Dislikes...Golf courses without a toilet at half way as he is prone to a 'sudden cumberland moment'.
One of the more fortunate players on a golf course who always has the luck on his side. Falls in a bucket of shit and still comes out smelling of roses.


SMACKIT.........Plays off 28...Likes.....To snort red wine...Dislikes... After effects of snorting red wine.
As his name suggests he can smack the fuck out of that little white golf ball, the only problem is he has not got a clue where it will end up.


SNIFFER.........Plays off 20...Likes....Arsenal FC (someone has to).....Dislikes... Not being able to join us very often as he now has to work for a living
Sniffer became a regular attendee last year after being made redundant but then his other half got the better of him and made him go back to work.


STEADS.........Plays off 17...Likes.....Red VW Beetle's & Sleeping in hotel reception areas...Dislikes...People taking the piss out of his Beetle.
Steads likes to prepare himself for the game. A few stretching excercises, a bite to eat, a swift pint and then plays like a knobber! Although recent form is proving that all that effort and practice is paying off.



WALRUS.........Plays off 25...Likes.....Silver platters & trying to sing....Dislikes... Hotel receptions that won't allow him to perform to his full potential.
Nicknamed Walrus as he bears a striking resemblance to Mr Stadler. Has earned the title of Entertainments officer after his evening performance at 5 lakes.


WHOOPLE.........Plays off 12...Likes...Chelsea FC....Dislikes..Attempting a decent round of golf after a heavy night on the sherbert with no sleep. !.
Has promised to make an effort to turn up to more games this year!(1 so far) so plenty of catching up to do.


WOOSIE.........Plays off 20...Likes....A bit of painting & decorating....Dislikes... Losing his teeth down the toilet after a night out.
Woosie is the most vertically challenged member of the society (short arse). Currently having a few shoulder problems but promisses to return with a vengance after the op. Just remember to tell the surgeon that it is a shoulder op and not a Gender realignment op!

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