The Honourable Divot
Golf Society

        



Divot Guidance

Smacking one off-
the Divot way



Secretary Hoad gives us the wealth of his knowledge.

Its a funny old world, isn't it. how some officious old bearded gits from an organisation called English Nature think they can dictate to us.
Fun loving golfers the country over can now take some tips from Hoad, spokesman for Divot Environmental Activists Take Heart (DEATH).

Wild about Death

Make sure you mow everything down to a bare baby's arse. The slightest hint of growth will hinder that peach of a shot you've been dreaming about for months. Keep wildlife to an absolute minimum.

Hedges - who needs 'em?

By all means plant a hedge if you want to scrabble about and get scratched to fuck. Hoad recommends a JCB if you're unlucky enough to have one. If Bournemouth can do it, so can you. Cuts out unnecessary irritation from twittering birds.



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Iron it out!

My old chums Lee and Seve have the right attitude. Sev always has his four iron at the ready. A quick thwap and it's all over -no more Hissing Sid. Not for nothing does Lee go by the soubriquet 'smackit', here is a man with a mission. Down to Argos for a serious bit of angle iron, his all action style takes no furry prisoners.

Take a divot

Don't piss about, no need to use a vibrating roller,just dig for victory with your wedge.
Every hack removes some habitat.
Take a tip from Hooky and
get stuck in with a 140.

DEATH or glory?

 Just remember, some members derive considerable assistance from squirrels and other tree dwellers.
We must do all we can to even up this huge and unfair advantage. Flush them out with a spangler.

Remember, if it chirps, warbles, or sits there looking pretty, it's got to go!


© Big Lew Hoad 2001