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Term
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Oxford Dictionary
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Divot use
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Abuse |
wrong use; hurt or maltreatment;
undue advantage;
sexual violation; insulting language
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Fair play |
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Action slacks |
long, loose trousers for casual activity
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Big Lews 'Rupert bear' golf trousers |
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Badger |
Meles meles A burrowing,nocturnal,hibernating animal
of the otter and weasel family. Adj. badger-legged-having legs of
unequal length |
A convenient mode of transport. A dog. The only thing your'e likely to
shag on tour.
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Bandit |
Outlaw, brigand |
Disproportionately high handicap
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Bengali coiffure |
Indian hairdresser |
Not visited by members at Hardelot
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| Black as a bastard |
Unpleasant lack of light |
Play in gloom. Requisite of membership of the Divot society
is to be able and willing to play under such conditions- no option
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| Branch walking |
Perambulator arborii |
Sev's exploits in the woods aided by squirrels,nuthatches,woodpeckers
and others
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Buffing |
The act or process of polishing |
Vigorous lap polishing of pewter
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Captains of industry |
Commanders of commerce. Always addressed as 'sir' |
Rarely seen by Divoteers. Spotted at breakfast in Hardelot.
Lee brown-noses them with gifts of 'lost' gloves or club covers.
Gets him nowhere.
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Chirping |
Talking in a cheerful or lively fashion |
Irritating banter. Used especially when you're playing well.
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Choker |
To lose one's nerve when facing an important challenge. |
A clear leader, buckles dismally under the pressure.
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Chunder |
Puke, yodel down the canyon etc. |
Well known form of 'winter wash' for roses. Annual Yuletide event.
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Classic |
Having historical associations; traditionally accepted; long or well established;
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An antique banned item. The fairway fucker was the classic example.
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Clear leader |
A person who shows the way by going first, obviously and distinctly.
Several shots clear of the pack. |
A distinct and obvious target for barracking, abuse, heckling, farting whilst putting
etc. Most likely to be taking the Gnome home.
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Coffee |
Drink made from the powder of the seeds of coffea arabica |
Banned substance. Drunk secretly by old gits and juniors to prevent massive headaches
coming on and ruining all chances.
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Cucumber |
Green penis shaped vegetable |
Waved by nuns
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Divot |
A small piece or turf gouged out by a golfers club head. |
Name of the Honourable Society founded 1987. Large craters left after the Society's
visit to any golf course
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Don't hold back |
Give it all you've got |
Full on shot
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Dream on |
An immaculate shot from an unplayable lie. |
Triumph of optimism over ability
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Dumb motherfucker |
A mute and extremely objectionable or unpleasant thing or person |
A small subsection of Adolf's range of expletive; may be combined with many
other oaths to provide a satisfactory vent to his feelings.
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Fairway fucker |
Bag carrier used to abuse the smooth turf between tee and putting green |
Royal and Ancient thin wheeled pram. Club pro 'Ah, I've been looking for you for a long
time, kindly remove it from the course at once'
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Farting |
Breaking wind from the anus |
Passing wind at a critical moment. Best of all as your opponent is about to play a
critical putt. Noise and fumes required.
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Floosie |
A young woman of doubtful sexual morals |
Any member's wife, girlfriend, mistress or concubine.
A good looking bird.
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Fumes |
Smoke or vapour, often odorous |
See above, may also come from stogies.
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Game on |
Contest engaged |
Sudden interest from Divoteers when they imagine they've come into contention.
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Gherkin skirmish |
Minor, irregular fight between marginal parties using small pickled
cucumbers. |
Only encountered on the Isle of Wight in National Trust car parks.
May be rammed up Sierra exhaust pipes.
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Gillette |
Disposable razor |
Shaves the hole
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Gillette contour |
Disposable nouveau razor |
Even fucking closer
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Gimme |
A short putt that one's opponent is sportingly excused from playing,
there being little likelihood of missing it. |
Type of golf played by gentlemen and club members. Not known in divot play.
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Girlie |
State of being a girl |
Any shot not going the required distance. Suspicion amongst others that you were
afraid of the shot.
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Glimmer
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Shine faintly or intermittently, faint gleam of glory,
hope or understanding
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That moment before a round starts where you still feel hopeful about your impending
performance- dashed usually after your first shot. Upon seeing the clear leader hit his
shot into the water, the cry of Glimmer goes up.
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Glorious |
Noble, splendid, conferring renown,wonderful, delightful,intensely enjoyable |
Tee shot that goes out of sight. Used to describe the Hon Divot Soc, and all it's members.
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Glossary of terms |
Collection or list of explanations. |
Something you wait for which never happens. Something that cannot be rushed and matures
slowly. Comes good in the fullness of time.
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Good boy |
A young person who pleases |
Centre parting
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Greaseball |
A person of Latin racial origin,someone with curly, oily, slicked back hair |
Any person assisted by trees,wildlife etc in their play. Only one nomination there
then (see treewalker)
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Grey as a gonad |
Dismal coloured organ that produces sex cells |
Dire weather conditions through which one travels to a challenge
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Heckling |
Shouting or jeering abusively or disruptively (preferably both) |
Centre parting
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Hell of a long way to go |
A few holes left |
What you say to anyone playing a good hole who fancies their chances.
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Heroic |
Pertaining to a man of distinguished bravery;a person reverenced and idealised;
of superhuman powers;a demigod;using extreme or elaborate means to obtain
a desired result |
Any play which reaches sublime heights of hilarity. Eg: slapping 7 balls
off the tee deep into
woodland on the 11th at Gatton;play 15;stomp off in disgust. 4 into the lake on the 1st at
Wildwood, play 9 before even starting!
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Home |
The residence of one's family; the scene of domestic life with it's emotional
associations |
Target for stray golf balls; eg (smack) 'Fuck me there's a house round there'
(maison des frogs
c'est OK!)
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Humany vomit |
Technicolour yawn |
Smell of Chunder
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I'll find that |
Call of optimistic retrieval |
Uttered after your tee shot disappears into thick scrub.
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Joanie |
Derived from Joan Collins' reputation, eg Q. 'what's the difference between Joan Collins
and a Kit Kat? A. You only get four fingers in a Kit Kat. |
Very large hole. Anyone should be able to get into that!
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Keepy uppy. |
To keep in the air. |
Game played on the beach at the Gower. Spectacles should not be worn. Ensure the good
Dr Hairy is present to deal with medical emergencies.
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Leaders of Men |
Born commanders of the troops. Always give a stirring speech before action. |
Adolf !!! Deep shit dumbmotherfucker
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Leisure |
Free from occupation; at one's ease or convenience. |
Playing at least one club under the usual required.
May produce unusally good result or a complete fuckup.
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Little white git. |
Small fool, lacking pigment. |
Golf ball
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Lobster |
Large strong clawed edible crustacean |
Body colouration of Divot members after 2 days spent on the summer tour.
Especially pertains to
Cleeve Hill
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Lucky bastard |
Unpleasantly fortunate |
Seve, at all times!
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Lush |
Rich, juicy, succulent or luxuriant |
Abbrev. 'we like that'(junior term)
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Masonic Nerds |
Socially inept freemasons |
Obscure, breakaway, sect of self elected misfits who control the Divot handicap system.
Meet mysteriously to confer strokes. Only act in their own self interest. (WANKERS)
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Mincer |
Walk, with affected delicacy. |
Usually refers to some new and glossy item of golfing attire, particularly anything white
. Eg; Young Mur's mincing white glove.
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Miracle 'a' |
Their name is legend |
Term originating from 'pin high' denoting an impossibly good shot.
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Nipple licker |
Tongue stimulation of pointy breast bit. |
Any shot that opens up the hole.
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No golf course in England |
Behaviour intolerable to any normal member of a golf club. |
Refers to five on the tee or any other activity contravening the Royal and Ancient.
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One night with Freaky. |
Bastardisation of 70's disco song. |
Lee's endlessly sung refrain on spending a night in the Out of Africa with Freaky and Lew.
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Oral Pleasure. |
Blow job. |
Tasting of the hip flask.
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Out of Africa |
Film |
Big Lew's fine touring tent.
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Peachy. |
Regarded as a choice example of it's kind. Soft and juicy |
A lush shot followed by much warbling.
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Penoid shank |
To strike the ball with the part of the club where the clubhead meets the shaft; probably
connected to the angle of the dangle. |
Poor shot, usually ends up in the rough approx 3 yards from the tee. Usually followed by
severe club
abuse. Low squirter.
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Piker |
A shirker. |
Anyone who just fucks off.
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Pin high |
Shot played to the exact length of the pin, but not on line. |
The ultimate Divot Society game. Whiles away the hours after the pub shuts.
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Play 3/5/7/9 |
Penalty shots awarded after each fluffed tee shot. |
Uttered by others after your tee shot disappears into thick scrub.
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Plugged |
Ball lodged deep in the ground. |
Keep hacking until you get it out! No lifting (only shirts)
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Poor 'c' |
Their name is legion. |
Shit shot.
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Ribbed to excite. |
With prominent ridges. |
Ties to be worn at Yuletide.
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Ring of dust |
A circular mark surrounded by fine particles. |
Indicates mantlepiece full of trophies. A sign of success.
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Ringburner |
Excessive anal heat. |
Curry emporium. May serve phal or vindaloo for the pleasure of members.
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Sally Gunnell |
Olympic 400m hurdles champion. Former captain of GB olympic ladies team. OBE |
Not pretty, but a good runner.
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Scudder. |
Run or fly straight and fast esp with smooth and easy motion. (Naut.)
Run before the wind. |
A ball which, when hit, never leaves the ground. Eg (smack) You hit your
ball off the tee, 'Christ'! another fucking scudder, or Bollocks, Samuel Scudder I presume.
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Scuff. |
To brush, graze or scrape . |
Not a true hit (understatement).
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Spangled bastard. |
An unpleasant glittering ornament. |
A total fuckwit of a shot. May cause a major loss of temper. Often followed
by the club.
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Spanking off. |
Slap with the open hand on the buttocks or legs. |
Smack the fuck out of your ball off the tee.
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Splashy. |
Ostentatious dispersal of water. |
One destined for Davey Jones' locker. Experienced by all Divoteers.
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Spoofing. |
A hoaxing game invented and named by Arthur Roberts (1852-1933). |
Traditional way of deciding on order of play or who will make the breakfast
, make the tea,do the washing up. Dr hairy is particularly inept at the art. Can be rigged.
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Steamboat Willy. |
Putter driven by steam. |
Putt goes a long way past the hole.
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Stogie. |
Cigar, Dr Hairy's roll up, spliff, pipe-only ever produced from the depths
of the tartan tickler or by ken.. |
Fume producing item for smoking pleasure. Generally offered to put your opponent off.
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Tartan Tickler. |
Scottish and exciting, with a pleasant thrill. |
Slimline golf bag, esp carried by John Daley.
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That's not dead. |
Definitely not a certain putt, however close. |
Usually uttered after your opponent plays a fine 'steamboat willy.
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Tits. |
Female breasts. |
As in 'show us your tits' Hake 1997 in an effort to improve 'l' entente cordiale'
Failed miserably.
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The Pull. |
Pewter with naked lady handle. |
Trophy for best efforts to interact with the opposite sex.
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Thirteen/Fifteen etc. |
A large score for one hole. |
Completely wrecks the round. Game off!. The only trophy coming your way is the
Carol Vorderman. Heroic play.
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Tickle Toby. |
Small piece of electrical flex. |
Form of perverted punishment after lights out. Applied to the back of the thighs
and naked buttocks.
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Wankstain putt. |
Delicate shot on or near the green which ends up as nothing more than a
masturbatory spot of shame. |
Scuffed putt, doesn't go far.
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Warbling. |
Singing in a vibrato or treble voice, extolling, expressing in poetry or song. |
Cheerful subsong uttered by La Jeune Mur after something pleases the junior member .
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We like that. |
Obnoxiously pleased with. |
Young Mur's perennial warble of pleasure and contentment.
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Weapon. |
Any instrument of offence. |
Any club used for alcohol prize off the tee. Eg: Lee's one iron and driving iron.
Any Big Bertha type wood.
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Wheatie. |
Ostentatious dispersal of wheat. |
One destined for a ripe corn field. Use confined to the 15th at Freshwater.
Play at 90 degrees to the hole recommended.
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Whinge. |
To complain peevishly, to whine, to cry fretfully. |
Continuous whining complaint. Seve and his knee produced a lot of this.
Eventually is usually told "stop fucking whinging".
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Woody. |
Ostentatious clattering in trees. |
One destined for the woods.
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